It's Spring for Me

Spring? What the heck d'ya mean, Kristen? For goodness sake's it's OCTOBER! And it's COLD. It's time for sweaters and hot cocoa, and you're talking about spring???

Well, let's just say there are lots of things in my life that are coming into blossom right NOW.




Some struggles that I have had my ENTIRE adult life are finally coming to an end, and I feel that I am finally stepping into new places of wholeness and healing. And I couldn't be happier about it!

There are also some shifts happening in our family dynamic, and I am excited to see how we grow into these new things.

For example... I never knew that I had anger issues until I had my children. I was fairly even-tempered and easygoing. So I believed that that was who I was, and it never occurred to me that I might be an angry parent. But then I had my daughters and...

Oh. My. Goodness. Wow. For a while there I felt like all there was of me was this angry mommy monster who did nothing but yell and scream and freak out about EVERYTHING. Yuck. It was an awful place. I have made strides forward, but in eight years, there has not been the feeling that  I had control over this area of my life. The angry monster controlled me, not the other way around. Ugh. And how many prayers have I prayed? Deliver me, oh Lord. Help me, God. Save me from myself. And most especially, save my children. Protect them... From me. From my anger.

Oh, there has been a lot of guilt and tears over this part of my life. So much.

But finally, in the last month or so, it's like the walls that have kept me from finding self-control have crumbled down. And I can breathe. The monster is gone, replaced by peace. Yes, the monster still tries to come out at times, but it isn't in control anymore. And if it does manage to make an appearance, it is very quickly sent packing. So where there was brokenness and grief, now there is wholeness.

And what a change I have seen in my children. God is so good.

So this is my spring; I have come out of the winter of my desolation and into the newness of what my life as a mom can be like outside of anger.

And that's just ONE thing. There are many others! Baruch HaShem.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so happy to hear this. : ) Love you, friend. You are such a good friend to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay! Thank you so much, Amber. It means a lot to hear you say that! I love you, too, dear friend!

    ReplyDelete